I have been watching Coronation Street and I have to give a huge praise to the actors, writers and producers who are involved in the Hayley and Roy storyline about pancreatic cancer. It is only a soap I hear many of you say BUT the way they have dealt with this story reflects a lot of what David and I went through.
The discussions Roy and Hayley have had, the way they each try to cope in their own way and together, it is a very true depiction of what we faced as reality. They have captured all the small apparently insignificant details that only people who are going through this will recognise, as well as the controversial aspects that hit the headlines but things that are very much in the sufferer’s thoughts as they tried to deal with the unknown which can be very frightening and worrying. Cancer doesn’t let us have any choices it dictates and that is very hard to deal with. Well done to Coronation Street.
On many occasions it has reduced me to tears as its brought back many memories some good some not so good. They have also included many humorous moments which again we have had, often at the time it is very stressful or worrying but when you look back at it is funny, even when dealing with cancer David kept his sense of humour.
David wanted to fit in as much as he could because he knew time was running out, I was more concerned about keeping him well and with me as long as I could. I felt like we were trying to live at 100 miles an hour with little sleep. On one occasion I took him to the hospital because he was so unwell and the diagnosis …. exhaustion. David wanted to keep busy but his body also needed rest. This was being played out in the storyline with Roy and Hayley, when she was busy making a wedding dress and trying to be ‘normal’ but Roy is trying to look after her and keep her well!
More recently the episode where Roy goes to get Hayley’s favourite strawberries was also very real. David’s tastes changed and it was getting more difficult to find foods he enjoyed. I was very aware he needed to eat to keep well and as the nurses and doctors told him to eat high calorie foods to keep his weight up. After a lifetime of dieting David did say it was the only time he was encouraged by doctors to eat full fat yogurts, cream in mashed potato etc. This was a double blow because David loved to cook and loved his food but losing his sense of taste was particularly hard on him. If he decided he fancied something it was a case of making sure it was there asap as he would really like something one day and go off it the next or even hour by hour. I always tried to make sure I had the things he liked in the fridge/cupboard just in case he fancied it. He used to say “I really fancy Mars bar” for example” but don’t buy a ton of it!”
It is very hard for the people around the cancer sufferer because they do just want to look after their loved one, sometimes they get forgotten and not many people realise it is a tough job with no training! The hospice staff and Macmillan nurse know all this and seem to just know exactly when you as a carer need that bit of support and they give it so well. Most of the time you don’t even realise it. Every time I thought it was hard for me I knew it was a million times harder for David. I don’t think I would have handled it as well as he did if the situation was reversed.
People ask how you cope and the simple answer is you have no choice you either let it bring you down or you stand up to this evil bully that is cancer and fight back with all you have. You might not win but don’t let it be for lack of trying. For the people left behind it is still a daily battle and again you can’t let cancer bring you down, yes you will have many days where you just don’t want to do anything and that’s fine, you need to grieve, but for your loved ones sake you need to make the most of life it’s been too short for them, so those of us that are here need to value it and live it.
